I really liked the underlying theme of bandwagon fans. The description of the stampede of people trying to get in the stadium and crowd around you was vivid and contained many status details. A sports events becoming a social scene is a really interesting concept, the expensive drinks and skyscraper heels make it seem like a fancy nightclub.
“But his slim frame, wit and the way he tosses around curse words make me forget he could be my gradfather” – I like this sentence a lot!
“…his stature makes him seem like a tentative adolsceant, afraid of a chill”
You have some really great descriptions and I feel like a get to know the coach very well.
Great relevant topic - You used a lot of great dialogue. I can see you reported this article thoroughly. There was a recent article down in time magazine about the changing trends of marriage. I thought the article in Time was super boring. If it had something like this, personal examples, it would have been much more interesting.
There was a lot of good status details and dialogue in this story. I like the development you showed from all the work that goes into the making of the food to the people enjoying them. The story was well rounded, had a nice ending and lots of literary elements. Also, the story was heart-warming. And I like that you left yourself out of it. I don’t think it’s a story that’s meant to be “Gonzo”.
I really liked this article! The descriptions of the frigid lab really made me feel like I was there. You did really good reporting, had many good status details.
“It is easy to forget that these are humans, but subtle reminders constantly bring Alyssa back to reality- a hand, a tattoo, painted fingernails” Great sentence! Good status details. I also like where you went with this – how to students become accustomed (and hungry) at the sight and smell. Also, the smelling salts were a great status detail. Overall, excellent, the only thing that could have improved it is a few more quotes, although I can imagine it’s hard to find people willing to talk about this experience.